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Book Review: The 5 Love Languages

 

Since I have been talking about Relationships for the past few days, I want to throw out some kudos to The 5 Love Languages by Dr. Gary Chapman

This book opened my eyes to discovering the different ways the people in my life express and prefer to receive love. Dr. Chapman breaks it down into 5 categories:

Receiving Gifts – Some people like tokens of love, these do not have to be big gifts, but tokens to show them you were thinking of them.

Words of Affirmation- Some people prefer to hear words, “you look great!”, “I love you!”, “Great Job!”

Acts of Service- Some of us like our loved ones to do things for us, this always reminds me of the woman who says something like “there is nothing sexier than a man with dish soap on his hands” in this example, the woman would be someone who appreciates acts of service.

Special Touch – Some people need kisses, hand holding, hugs and physical affection to feel loved

Quality Time –Some people appreciate time together, it does not really matter what you are doing together, but spending time together, paying attention to each other, talking and sharing…

Personally, I find quality time very important. When I first started evaluating my concept of blissful timelessness, I noticed many of my moments were moments in which I was spending quality time with people I love.

One of the times this became abundantly clear to me, was on our first mandatory family dinner night. We all made dinner together, ate at the table together (that is rare in this busy house) and then we cleaned up and played board games.

It also happened that the season premeire of one of my favorite shows was on that night. I figured we would play games for a little while before I retired to my room to watch my show.

Hours later, the premier long past, I noticed that I hadn’t even thought about the show in hours, I was engaged in a game with the kids, we were laughing and having a great time.. My DVR recorded the show and I watched it later, but the point is… The old me, would have stopped the game and ran to the TV to watch the show, as it aired. Instead, I spent time with my kids and it was good time and it truly nourished my soul. This is how I came to know that Quality time is important to me.

Pay attention to the things you love… and the things you complain about in your relationships… When you are thinking about things that make you unhappy… is it because you want more time, more affection, more words of affirmation? When you think about what is missing when you complain about your relationships, the words can queue you into what your chosen love language is.

Once you learn to recognize it, you can start to see your loved ones… how do they speak love to you? How do they like to receive love?

After I read this book, so many things came together for me… I was able to have a conversation with each of my children about the book and their preferred love language. Aside from that, I am able to try to and convey my love for them in more way than one…. A touch on the shoulder while I tell them they did good at something or look good, or to while thanking them for some act of service. I can bring home a little candy or something I know they love, just because I saw it in the store and knew they would like it. It lets them know I was thinking of them. Knowing that each of us expresses and appreciates love differently, enables me to apply this lesson in my relationships.

Have you read The 5 love languages? It is a worthwhile read for all of your relationships. As with anything I read, or tell you to read, take what you want and leave the rest. But, if what you are doing right now isnt making you happy…. what have you got to lose?

Love Relationships

Out of the mouths of babes….”Mom, you can’t find Love by hiding out in your bedroom”
Love and Relationships are something I consider a priority. I have been a single mom for 13 years now. My sons are growing and have love relationships of their own and its time for me to find a romantic relationship of my own. And, my son is right, I am not likely to find it by sitting in my room.
When I broke down relationships into three categories, family, friends and love interest, I decided I should take baby steps in order to make lasting changes. In order to do this, I selected one goal for each of the three sub-categories, family, friends, love interest.
I made family dinner on Sunday a priority and I made a monthly date night with each son a priority. I also took a look at how I can improve my friendships. The last part of relationships I needed to evaluate.. my love interest.
So, how can I make my love interest a priority when I don’t have one?
Well… I decided my wise 15 year old was correct when he basically told me to get off my ass and meet some people.
Now, when I started thinking about it, the best way to meet someone with similar interests, is to meet someone while doing something I am interested in.. This is easy.. I can easily list my hobbies, my recreation moments of blissful timelessness. When I apply the Pareto Principle again, I already know what things I love doing, like dancing, hiking, camping, scuba diving…. but I do not make them a priority. That is for another post, but the fact is, if I start scheduling time to do the things I love, I am more likely to meet someone with similar interests. I could make new friends who also love dancing or scuba diving or any of the other things I love, or I could even meet a potential love interest.
Truly, this becomes a multi-purpose agenda item, by making time for the things I love, I am making myself happy, I am also meeting people who love to do the same things I love. While my goal in making myself a priority and doing more of the things I love is not to meet a potential love interest…. staying at home will never get me there, so what can it hurt?

Quality Time, Quality Relationships

When I sat down to evaluate the things that make me happiest, the first category I came up with was relationships. Many of my moments of Blissful Timelessness occur when I am spending quality time with the people I love.
Within relationships, there are several categories: My family, My friends, My love life
First, let’s take a look at my family. As a single mom, my immediate family consists of my three sons and the two girlfriends that live with us. Quality time with my sons is one of my favorite things!  When I applied the Pareto principle, I realized that I often put off time with my children for other things, that are less important to me, like work, television, books, etc.
With that in mind, I evaluated how much time I spend with my boys and decided to turn it around and make quality time with them a priority.
I have a different relationship with each of my three sons. Each of them expresses and expects love in a different way. Each of them also has different interests.
The key to making changes in my life is taking baby steps.
As a task oriented person, I decided that it may be best for me to schedule time, somehow, putting it on my to do list will make sure it happens. I don’t want this to be just another thing on my ever growing list of items that needs to be done, I want it to be special. The boys each agreed to a date night with mom, once a month. This quality time I crave with my children, must be a mutual desire, as they all agreed to family dinner every Sunday as well. So, My handy bullet journal gave me a place to schedule dates with each son and write in family dinner.
One caution here is that sometimes life happens and we miss a date or family dinner is replaced with some other obligation and that is ok. The important thing is making it a priority without the guilt, if plans have to change.
I don’t want to feel guilty if I have to reschedule, so, if I reschedule, it has to be a mutual decision and something important. Healthy boundaries are important and establishing boundaries around the things that are important to me feels good.
Identifying what is worthy of a cancellation or reschedule and what is not worthy, upfront makes it easy when something comes up.
So, there you have it, I was able to add family dinner to my schedule and date night with each son. Simple baby steps that make me happy and fulfill me.
Later, I will talk about how I added my other relationships to my priority list and dig into the other 9 categories on my life balance wheel.

Quality Time-Quality Friendships

 If a man is measured by the quality of his relationships, what is your measure?
I have a lot of acquaintances but only a few people that I truly call my friends.We truly are pack animals and we are not meant to be alone.

One common theme in almost all of my life drama...is relationship.

I do not always listen to my heart when I make decisions. I do not always do what is best for myself.
When I started evaluating most of my troubles, I found a common theme. I am and always have been a crappy friend. Its true, my friends will tell you so...

I am not being non chalant about it, but I am facing my own truth. In order to find my happiness, I need to be brutally honest with myself. When I sit down and think about it, honestly... I am a bad friend.

Again, I cannot go back and change the past and no amount of sorrow can change it, so I CHOOSE to change it now and make an effort to do it better from here on out.

In order to do this, I decided to focus on my current relationships and make a better effort.

The first thing I did was sit down and think about the friends I have, and the people that are important in my life.

One of the things that makes me a bad friend is I am not really great at staying in touch.

As I have said in the past, depression is really ugly and it causes me to isolate. Isolation perpetuates the viscious cycle of depression and keeps me from spending time with the people I love. In turn, the isolation from the people I love makes me more depressed.

I often rely on my friends to reach out and stay in touch. Of course, I reach out when I need something, even if I just need an ear, or a shoulder, but if I am going to be brutally honest with myself, I am going to recognize the fault I play in the relationships and this.. not keeping in touch and only reaching out when I need someone is one of my greatest faults.  Its not pleasant, being so brutally honest with myself, it hurts. But, if I want to be happy and I want to make necessary changes, I have to face the facts and admit the part I play in this, even when it sucks to admit it.

Quality relationships can make all the difference when times are hard, so isolating myself when things are bad (depression) is not the best thing for myself.

My friends are always there for me, I know if I reach out they will be there, but I am not sure they can or would say the same about me. I have been so hung up in my own drama, depression and self that I am not sure my friends trust that I am and will always be here for them. That is a sad thing to admit about myself.

Part of this healing process and admitting my faults is walking a thin line. I want to be brutally honest with myself, but I do not want to get sad or depressed at the past and my past mistakes.

Keeping that in mind, all I can do is focus on the future and what I can do to be a better friend.

I started reaching out more. A simple "Happy Friday" text or "I saw this..... and it made me think of you" The Pareto principle really does apply here.. it does not take much effort to reach out and let my friends know that I am thinking about them. The benefits, (the 80%) are exponential, I feel good because I am talking to someone I care about, the relationship thrives because I make an effort, my friends know I am here and present and they can count on me and all of that equals Happiness.. which was the goal in all of this self analysis afterall.

Applying the Pareto Principle to my Relationships

 

In my last post, I talked about applying the Pareto principle to my life. I broke my life down into categories and now I am going to break down each category into the things that I can apply 20% of my effort to, in order to get 80% of the output or happiness, I am looking for.

One of the ways I used to identify what makes me most happy, was looking for moments of blissful timelessness, or moments when I am able to be present in the moment, when I am happy and nothing before or after makes any difference, I am perfectly content right here and right now.

When I started paying attention, I noticed that relationships made me most happy. I am happy when I am spending quality time with the people that I love.

Ironically, when I started to track the amount of time I spent on the things that were most important, I was pretty disappointed with myself. But, this new lifestyle of mine prohibits me from focusing on what I have done wrong, all I can do is focus right now on making it right.

So, I grabbed my handy bullet journal and started writing. Quality time with people I love is something I want to do more of. I often get caught up in my work or in my anti-work (aka relaxation time) like watching TV, reading books etc. I turn down quality time with the people that are important to me, when love and relationships is absolutely one of the things that makes me happiest.

I cannot remember which book I read, that led me on an exercise (Please tell me if you know of it). In this exercise, I had to write what I want said about me at my funeral. If you could be an angel, watching your own funeral services… what are the people saying about you? More importantly… what do you want them to say about you?

Have you ever heard of someone, on their eve of death who is reflecting upon their life…. say, “I wish I had worked more!”? I haven’t. I hear people say, “I wish I had told someone that I loved them,” “I wish I had spent more time loving_______”",” I wish I had been more fearless,”

Why then.. do I spend so much time focused on my work? I could list a hundred reasons why I spend my time on work… but, really we are living in the moment and doing what makes us happy, so I wont focus there… I will focus on spending more quality time with people I love.

Did you use relationships as one of your categories? What one thing can you do to start improving your relationships? What gives you blissful timelessness?

Reality Check

 

 

Are you familiar with the Pareto Principle?

Simply put 20% of the input = 80% of the result.

In terms of happiness, if we invest our time and effort into the 20% things, we will be more happy.

Let’s me break this down and show you what I mean…

If I focus my time and energy into the things that give me the greatest happiness, I will only need to focus on 20% of the whole, or 20% of the things that are on my plate. In other words, there are a handful of things that make me happiest, that give me the greatest reward for my effort and time.

The reason this is important is because, when I sat down to look at where I invest most of my time… it is not on the things that make me most happy, actually, quite the opposite. 80% of my time is expended on the items that give me 20% of my happiness, maybe less….

 

So, sadly, I have always had it backwards. When I made a list of the things I value most.. they were not the things I spend most of my effort on… why do I do that to myself?

Once I started paying attention, I was able to see how much I spin my wheels, trying to spend my time, attention and even money on things that do not make me the most happy.

If you are playing along on my little journey… try it for yourself, list the things that are the most important to you.

Think about the most important categories in your life… Family, Relationships, work, health, spirituality, recreation, travel, charity, finances… whatever is most important to you.. You want a balanced life, so make sure you include all areas. Then, think about what needs to happen in each area… what makes you happy and fulfilled?

For example, remember my post on blissful timelessness? Think about the times when you get lost in the moment, when you are so happy in the present moment that nothing else matters. These are the things that make you most happy.

Spending quality time with the people I love IS important to me, it makes me happy, it feels good. Unfortunately, I often neglect the people I love for things that are much less important…. like… work, or watching TV.

Why, I spend 80% of my time on the things that produce only 20% of my happiness… Its in the past, its irrelevant. I will not allow myself to judge my past, I will not allow myself to get caught up in what I should have done… In shaming myself…the only thing I can do is to change the present, change the right here, right now.

I broke out my handy little bullet journal and I listed the areas of my life:

Relationships

Career

Self Improvement (Mind)

Health and Fitness (Body)

Finances

Paying it Forward

Recreation

Environment

Spirituality (Soul)

Travel/Adventure

These are my categories, you can feel free to choose your own once you start getting clarity on your happiness.

In my next post, I am going to show you how I broke down the things in each category and how I started applying the Pareto principle to each category, to re-focus on the 20%, the things that will give me the most bang for my buck in the happiness department. I would love for you to play along! What categories do you have?

Being Present, Living in the moment

In my last post, I talked about my gratitude practice and how it helps me to be present.
Both of the practices (Being present and gratitude) have substantially changed my perspective in life. I feel I am living a calmer, more centered existence now, free from constant worry, fear and stress.
Research shows that practicing mindfulness can reduce stress, boost your immune system, lower blood pressure increase self esteem and bolster happiness.
With all of that positive press, I figured it is probably something I should give a try.
First off, it is somewhat astonishing to me, all of the noise.... my own head is so busy all of the time. Frequently, it is making to do lists, making judgments, it is so busy.. As a matter of fact... my busy, bossy mind carries the sole responsibility for my nasty bout with insomnia.
No matter how tired I was, turning off the lights in the evening subsequently somehow, it was like turning on my incessant chatter.

Oh, I forgot to do something, oh yeah, I need to do something tomorrow, did I take the dog out before I went to bed? Did I lock the front door? How am I going to solve that computer programming issue tomorrow? I need to get a haircut. I forgot to call the insurance company.....

As you can see, it really is nothing vital to my existence , but if the lights are off and I am in the bed, queue the chatter, we are going for a ride. Does any of this sound familiar?
Being present means not thinking about the past, not worrying about the future, not thinking about what you are going to say next in a conversation, it is all about right here, right now.
Life moves so fast, being present allows me to notice the subtleties of life and appreciate them, which strengthens my gratitude practice. Practicing gratitude in turn, strengthens my ability to stay present.
Presence enables me to notice all of the things I can and should be grateful for, the beauty around me, the wind on my face, the sun on my skin, the scent of flowers, the smiles on my children’s faces. It is so much easier to be grateful, when I take the time to think about it.
When I am present, there are no judgements, there are no worries, I can see how it impacts my health, because I am totally aware of everything in my life at this moment. It is so much easier to be happy when I am not worrying about something that needs to be done next week or fretting over something I did in the past.
Once I started listening to all of my self chatter, I realized how much time I waste on things I have no control over. What if….. Deal with what if, when it happens, but, if you are stuck there, in the future what if, you are missing out on what is happening right this very moment and when the moment is gone, you cannot get it back. Bring your focus back to the present.
One way I found that helps bring my focus to the present, is engaging my senses. What do I see, what can I hear, what can I taste, what can I feel?
Remember yesterday, when I talked about being grateful for everyone who helped to get a meal in front of me? Well, when I bring myself in the moment, I can taste how good the food is and I can actually think about all the people that contributed to my sustenance. I can feel my body being nourished. It actually has helped me drop a few pounds, because I am no longer eating mindlessly, while working or watching TV.
Additionally, since we know that excess cortisol (which is caused by stress) contributes to weight gain, high blood pressure and a host of other medical problems. With all that said, being present prevents us from worry and stress, so…. Think of all the second order effects of getting present…
Try it for a few days, try to use your senses to bring yourself back to the present moment, what do you taste, feel, hear, see? This simple act is one of the best things you can do for yourself. Give it a try for a few days, I would love to hear how it changes your life.

Hugs!!
Angi

The two-fold path of gratitude.

So many popular psychology books and self-help literature revolves around the concept of gratitude and how it can make a difference in our every day lives. Always the skeptic, I have been trying on some gratitude to see how it feels and you know what... it actually does feel good.


So often we take things for granted.... so many things to take for granted... When we are present in this moment, right here, its easier to focus on gratitude. The inverse is also true...


If I am walking up the stairs, I think to myself... Thanks legs for being so strong, for enabling me mobility to get where I am going. Thanks lungs for your capacity to take in oxygen, despite my years of neglectful smoking, you have been incredible at taking in oxygen. Thank you heart for pumping the blood and oxygen I need to my legs and my brain.


I must admit, it seemed silly to me at first, but I kept on doing it, trying to be present and gracious.


Thank you teeth, for doing such a good job at chewing food so I can digest it better. Thank you tongue for giving me the ability to taste all the delicious flavors my world has to offer....
I actually say this to myself as I brush my teeth.


Yes, it does feel silly, or I should say, it did feel silly, but now... I noticed two things...


Practicing gratitude keeps me in the present moment. Thanking my body for its service, thanking my food for giving its life to me, thanking the earth for the soil to grow my food and the sun for providing vitamin D and warmth. It really is just a matter of perspective. Finding gratitude in the present moment keeps my mind from worrying about the future and fretting about the past. Which is another thing all the pop-pysch books say will make me more happy... being present.


Until you actually start paying attention, you may not realize how busy your mind is. I was astonished how much mind is always thinking, calculating, retracing, projecting, analyzing.

“The secret of health for both mind and body is not to mourn for the past, nor to worry about the future, but to live the present moment wisely and earnestly.”

Buddha

There are so many benefits to being present, that's why we hear so much about it, I will go more into the idea of being present in another post.


I just wanted to point out here that practicing gratitude, actually helps me be present or mindful.
Next time you are eating, take note.. what are you thinking about? Are you just eating your meal or are you eating at your desk, working? Watching TV? Talking with a friend? Whatever you are doing, pay attention to your food. Think about all the things on the plate to be grateful for.


You can be grateful for:

• The plants and or animals that gave their life to sustain you.
• The farmer who harvested your grains and or vegetables
• The rancher who tended to the livestock
• The truck driver who carried the food to the grocery store
• The person(s) who packaged it, to keep it clean and safe from unsavory elements
• The person(s) who prepared your food
• The people at the gas or electric company who provided a service which allows you to cook your own food
• The job that enables you to provide for yourself and your family
• The person who made the table and chairs you sit at and the tree who gave its life for them
• The cow who gave milk which helped you prepare the food
• The chicken who sacrificed its newborn egg to sustain you
• The person(s) who crafted the fork you are eating with
• The person(s) who mined for the metal which later became your fork
• The person(s) who crafted your drinking glass
• The lake or reservoir your drinking water came from, or the tea or lemonade or whatever beverage you are drinking.

All of these things above and many others, we tend to take for granted. But, when we bring our attention to the present moment, it makes it easier to think of all the people who had a hand in that single meal you are eating. How often have you actually thought about it?


While the exercise may seem silly at first, once you realize all the people who put work into everything we take for granted, you tend to be a little more humble. This very practice of gratitude made me more gracious which in turn, believe it or not, made me feel lighter.


Try it for a week yourself, just practice being thankful for all the people that contribute to the lifestyle you live. Be grateful for all the living beings that gave their lives (both plant and animal) to sustain you.


It truly helped me to put my life into perspective and made me much more thankful for what I have, which in turn takes away from all the negative thinking about what I don't have or what I want in the future, or what I didn't have in the past. You see, by practicing being grateful for what I do have, it chances my outlook on life. I feel like my glass is half full now, instead of half empty. It truly is just a matter of your point of view.


Try it and see if it changes your outlook. I would love to hear what you think.

A quick attitude adjustment

Have you noticed how negative we are? Everything in my world seems to be so negative. The news is often cringe worthy-sensationalized drama.... I do not need that in my life! I hardly turn on the tube anymore, if I do, I watch recordings of my favorite shows and fast forward through all the commercials. I do not need so much negativity.

It seems everywhere we turn, there is negativity. Even the political debates are negative, mud-slinging.. when did this world we live in become so negative an in-humane?

It really is no wonder people are finding solace in gratitude journals, we really do have so much to be grateful for, but we have lost that kind of focus.

I have noticed in my own life, since I started to paying attention, how much negativity I expose myself to and the impact it is having on my psyche.... Road Rage anyone? I mean really, one day, I got so bent out of shape about a driver that cut me off.... I literally felt an out of body experience as I sped up, proceeded to chase the other driver, becoming a danger to myself and frankly every other driver on the road at the time. What is that???????? I was on my way to the grocery store.. I wasn't even on my way to work or late for anything...

So, I started taking a hard look at all the negativity I expose myself to and I try to remember to let go of the things which I have no control over. What good is anger any way? I mean in this case, the other driver didn't even seem to notice me there... probably caught up in her own world, for all I know, she could have had an emergency somewhere.... of not... I am not perfect by any sense of the imagination, but I can learn to cool it a little bit, lose some of the ego and realize that not everything is about me.... Everyone has their own world, their own issues, their own drama to deal with.. she didn't deliberately cut me off because I am me.... it had nothing to do with me. With gratitude, I thought, well... good thing I was paying attention and I was able to head off the accident. I felt my shoulders relax, my grip on the steering wheel loosen and my teeth unclench.... Sure enough, just that little bit of attitude adjustment, on the spot changed my day...

Once I started paying attention to my thoughts, I realized how judgemental I can be, not just towards other people, but especially of myself. I wouldn't allow ANYONE to talk to me the way I speak to myself in my thoughts........No wonder I have been miserable!

Pay attention to what you think. If you pay attention, you have a golden opportunity to change it on the spot.... say a quick serenity prayer...

Can you chance the situation? Complaining about it won't change a darn thing, so either let it go, if it is something you cannot change or take ACTION and change it if you can.. Judging the situation will not improve it. Judging yourself will only make you feel worse and judging others... well that hasn't gotten me anywhere... how about you?

Blissful Timelessness

I am not even sure if it is a real thing or not, but it is a phrase I have used for many years. For me, Blissful timelessness describes when you are so present in the moment that nothing else matters, time does not matter, only the moment right here, right now.


Think back to a time when you were just really happy. It could be reading a book, spending time with someone you love, exercising, dancing, listening to music.


I know if you are depressed, it can be hard to think of such a time, but I know you have at least one moment like this, where everything stops, all thoughts, worries, even time seems to stop. These are the moments when time flies... when you feel like it has been 10 minutes and it has been an hour. For me, these moments often involve someone I love or care about, music, scuba diving, reading a good book.... sometimes I even find myself like this at work, I am completely involved with what I am doing, nothing else occupies my mind, but the moment. Usually, I am solving a problem or creating something. Woah, where did the time go.... you know those moments.


What are they for you? Now grab your journal, your calendar, your phone, your schedule, whatever you use to keep yourself on track and schedule some time for yourself to do just that.... Find some time to spend on something that distracts you from everything else.... and make a promise to yourself to keep that date! Its important! You are important!

Finding Joy in the small things

Do you know what you want out of this life? Do you know what makes you happy?
Sometimes, my depression makes happiness illusive. I have been doing a lot of journaling, and even more reading to find my way out of the murky waters of depression. I noticed I always stop when it comes do getting my hands dirty, or actually doing something to get out of it. What I mean is, there often seems to come a time when I have read everything there is to read, or that I am willing to read at least and the next step lies in my hands completely.


On an intellectual level, this seems like common sense, if I want to be happy, I need to do things that make myself happy. It sounds so simple, yet from the seat of depression, that is all, it sounds simple.... action is where the problem lies.


Since I am task oriented, I have a hard time when I write something on my to do list that does not get done. Sometimes, I even write things on my to do list, that I have already done, just so I can check them off, it gives me a sense of accomplishment. When I am in the depths of depression, a sense of accomplishment can be like a life raft, all I have to do is grab hold and let that sense of accomplishment thrive in my heart and I can take a another step, so I can increase or at least continue the accomplishment that I am feeling. I can propel myself into action by checking off the smallest thing...


So, I decided to create a Life to do list for myself. Sometimes, when I am drowning in depression, even the smallest tasks, like taking care of my personal hygiene can seem daunting, so, putting those on my list is a necessity. Now I can check them off and let the sense of accomplishment propel me to take further action.


This got me thinking about things I love to do. In depression, we often neglect even the things that feed our soul. This seems ridiculous to me, but I have observed it first hand, I tend to isolate myself, neglecting the very relationships that could be my salvation.


So, the next things I included in my to do list of the month, were all about spending time with the people I love. Yes, mandatory fun, if you will. When we are depressed, our loved ones feel helpless to help us, so they reacted with joy at my new intention of a date night per month with each son and family dinner on Sunday.


So, by forcing myself to plan mandatory fun, I am at least getting myself out of the confines of my bedroom and spending time with the people I love.


The first Sunday dinner went well, just a few minor hiccups... But, we all made dinner together, ate together at the table (Which is rare these days with everyone's variable schedules) and cleaned the kitchen together. We then played some family board games and before I knew it, hours had passed and I didn't think once about my problems, my future, my past or anything else for that matter.... This is what it means to be present. By doing something with my family, I was able to be present. Maybe it was only a few hours, but it was a start and it felt good and it was good for my relationships with my sons and their girlfriends. It was also something I could check off my list, which gave me a boost, a sense of accomplishment.


Are you stuck in depression? Try drawing on the things you love for strength. If you are anything like me, getting out of bed is the hardest part... A body in motion tends to stay in motion... get moving, do something you love with someone you love, just the tiniest thing really can make a HUGE Difference!

Live the Life of your Dreams

Do you know what you want in your life?

In my quest to conquer depression, I am studying self improvement.

One of my favorite things to do when life gets crazy, is to say the Serenity Prayer.

I am not a religious person, but asking the universe for Serenity, Courage and Wisdom has always been a great way for me to get a handle on what I do and do not have control over.

Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change

Courage to change the things I can

Widsom to know the difference.

The important thing is the wisdom to know the difference.

I am tired of being tired, tired of being depressed and miserable and I DO HAVE CONTROL over these things, I just need to seize control over my own life and create the life I want and deserve!

What are you miserable about? Are you truly living the life of your dreams?

If you aren't, do you know what your dreams are?

If you are depressed, its possible, you haven't given your dreams much thought, it is so easy to get bogged down in the minutiae of every day life and forget to dream.

Watch a child play, ask a child what they want to be when they grow up.... They have such awesome imaginations! They have no fear! Society hasn't told them yet that dreams are just dreams. They truly believe they will achieve their dreams and who are we to spoil that process?

So, whip out your pen and write down anything and everything in your life that makes you unhappy, then, ask yourself if you have any control over your life? Who decides what you can do with your own life, but you! The answer is YOU, you have complete control of your dreams and making them a reality. So, what are you waiting for? Get on with it already, start dreaming!!!! Start planning!!! Start having a joyous and exuberant life! The only thing in your way is you! 

Joie de Vivre

In my eternal quest to remove depression from my life once and for all, I have decided to establish a new outlook, Joie de Vivre, to be my slogan, but there wasn't a blog address that I could embrace around Joie de Vivre, so, I combined it with Carpe Diem and came up with Carpe Vivre, I know, it's half Latin, Half French, but the moral of the story, as I enter my 45th year of life, I have decided to enter it, not depressed, but Seizing Life!

So, without further ado, I intend to find the Joy in life and live each day as if it were my last.