Do you know what you want out of this life? Do you know what makes you happy?
Sometimes, my depression makes happiness illusive. I have been doing a lot of journaling, and even more reading to find my way out of the murky waters of depression. I noticed I always stop when it comes do getting my hands dirty, or actually doing something to get out of it. What I mean is, there often seems to come a time when I have read everything there is to read, or that I am willing to read at least and the next step lies in my hands completely.
On an intellectual level, this seems like common sense, if I want to be happy, I need to do things that make myself happy. It sounds so simple, yet from the seat of depression, that is all, it sounds simple.... action is where the problem lies.
Since I am task oriented, I have a hard time when I write something on my to do list that does not get done. Sometimes, I even write things on my to do list, that I have already done, just so I can check them off, it gives me a sense of accomplishment. When I am in the depths of depression, a sense of accomplishment can be like a life raft, all I have to do is grab hold and let that sense of accomplishment thrive in my heart and I can take a another step, so I can increase or at least continue the accomplishment that I am feeling. I can propel myself into action by checking off the smallest thing...
So, I decided to create a Life to do list for myself. Sometimes, when I am drowning in depression, even the smallest tasks, like taking care of my personal hygiene can seem daunting, so, putting those on my list is a necessity. Now I can check them off and let the sense of accomplishment propel me to take further action.
This got me thinking about things I love to do. In depression, we often neglect even the things that feed our soul. This seems ridiculous to me, but I have observed it first hand, I tend to isolate myself, neglecting the very relationships that could be my salvation.
So, the next things I included in my to do list of the month, were all about spending time with the people I love. Yes, mandatory fun, if you will. When we are depressed, our loved ones feel helpless to help us, so they reacted with joy at my new intention of a date night per month with each son and family dinner on Sunday.
So, by forcing myself to plan mandatory fun, I am at least getting myself out of the confines of my bedroom and spending time with the people I love.
The first Sunday dinner went well, just a few minor hiccups... But, we all made dinner together, ate together at the table (Which is rare these days with everyone's variable schedules) and cleaned the kitchen together. We then played some family board games and before I knew it, hours had passed and I didn't think once about my problems, my future, my past or anything else for that matter.... This is what it means to be present. By doing something with my family, I was able to be present. Maybe it was only a few hours, but it was a start and it felt good and it was good for my relationships with my sons and their girlfriends. It was also something I could check off my list, which gave me a boost, a sense of accomplishment.
Are you stuck in depression? Try drawing on the things you love for strength. If you are anything like me, getting out of bed is the hardest part... A body in motion tends to stay in motion... get moving, do something you love with someone you love, just the tiniest thing really can make a HUGE Difference!
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