Quality Time-Quality Friendships

 If a man is measured by the quality of his relationships, what is your measure?
I have a lot of acquaintances but only a few people that I truly call my friends.We truly are pack animals and we are not meant to be alone.

One common theme in almost all of my life drama...is relationship.

I do not always listen to my heart when I make decisions. I do not always do what is best for myself.
When I started evaluating most of my troubles, I found a common theme. I am and always have been a crappy friend. Its true, my friends will tell you so...

I am not being non chalant about it, but I am facing my own truth. In order to find my happiness, I need to be brutally honest with myself. When I sit down and think about it, honestly... I am a bad friend.

Again, I cannot go back and change the past and no amount of sorrow can change it, so I CHOOSE to change it now and make an effort to do it better from here on out.

In order to do this, I decided to focus on my current relationships and make a better effort.

The first thing I did was sit down and think about the friends I have, and the people that are important in my life.

One of the things that makes me a bad friend is I am not really great at staying in touch.

As I have said in the past, depression is really ugly and it causes me to isolate. Isolation perpetuates the viscious cycle of depression and keeps me from spending time with the people I love. In turn, the isolation from the people I love makes me more depressed.

I often rely on my friends to reach out and stay in touch. Of course, I reach out when I need something, even if I just need an ear, or a shoulder, but if I am going to be brutally honest with myself, I am going to recognize the fault I play in the relationships and this.. not keeping in touch and only reaching out when I need someone is one of my greatest faults.  Its not pleasant, being so brutally honest with myself, it hurts. But, if I want to be happy and I want to make necessary changes, I have to face the facts and admit the part I play in this, even when it sucks to admit it.

Quality relationships can make all the difference when times are hard, so isolating myself when things are bad (depression) is not the best thing for myself.

My friends are always there for me, I know if I reach out they will be there, but I am not sure they can or would say the same about me. I have been so hung up in my own drama, depression and self that I am not sure my friends trust that I am and will always be here for them. That is a sad thing to admit about myself.

Part of this healing process and admitting my faults is walking a thin line. I want to be brutally honest with myself, but I do not want to get sad or depressed at the past and my past mistakes.

Keeping that in mind, all I can do is focus on the future and what I can do to be a better friend.

I started reaching out more. A simple "Happy Friday" text or "I saw this..... and it made me think of you" The Pareto principle really does apply here.. it does not take much effort to reach out and let my friends know that I am thinking about them. The benefits, (the 80%) are exponential, I feel good because I am talking to someone I care about, the relationship thrives because I make an effort, my friends know I am here and present and they can count on me and all of that equals Happiness.. which was the goal in all of this self analysis afterall.